March 12
Mikkuji and I shopped for things for the house. We ordered a new bed and they told us that they will deliver it coming Thursday. Till that day, I should sleep on the carpet as the bed in the house is Ramya’s. We have not gone for our honeymoon nor are we thinking of it. I feel that we will never go on a honeymoon. And I feel Mikku doesn’t want to go with me.
March 13
In the evening, he took me to Chairman’s Club and there he forced me to have a small shot of vodka.
March 18
The way Mummiji treats me is getting worse by the day. I do not understand why she is behaving like this. Today, the new bed was delivered. Mikku took me out, but somehow, I think he was only trying to placate me. Ramya is always in his heart. She has been there from the beginning. Each time he tries to get close to me, we only get further apart. I can only watch him drift away from me. I feel I made a big mistake by marrying him. Neither of us are happy in this marriage.
March 20
We went for long drive to Tumkur. Today is Holi and I called Mummyji to wish her. She spoke properly to me. My first Holi was a crime. All thanks to Papa as he did not bother to check to whom he was giving his daughter. I have a husband in name only. His soul and body belongs to someone else. There is no place for me in his heart and life. Mummyji warned me that if I could not keep her son happy, he would leave me and go away. Imagine! She is warning a girl who is just married. How can I deal with this behaviour? I feel sad and lonely. After all this, I wiped my tears and prepared lunch (rosagulla, mutton, dahi vada).
March 21
This has been a bad day. I do not even know why. I don’t know what Mikkuji told his mother this morning. She called me and scolded me a lot. She asked me if I was a woman. I said ‘yes’ and she asked me why her son felt I was always distant and aloof. Imagine! Doesn’t she know why her son feels like that? Mikku only stays with me, but his heart and soul is with his honey. He does not hear my voice and he does not even look at me. I have tried to make him love me and feel my presence, but it hasn’t worked. Perhaps it’s my mistake. When he told me that he once had a girlfriend, I should have said no to this marriage. I don’t know why I agreed. I should have told my Papa all this at that time. I have destroyed both Mikku’s life and mine. Now I don’t know what will happen and what turn my life will take. How long should I tolerate this? Mummiji abuses me about many things now. I have decided that I will not ask anyone for anything anymore.
Cute and emotionaL
Mikkuji and I shopped for things for the house. We ordered a new bed and they told us that they will deliver it coming Thursday. Till that day, I should sleep on the carpet as the bed in the house is Ramya’s. We have not gone for our honeymoon nor are we thinking of it. I feel that we will never go on a honeymoon. And I feel Mikku doesn’t want to go with me.
March 13
In the evening, he took me to Chairman’s Club and there he forced me to have a small shot of vodka.
March 18
The way Mummiji treats me is getting worse by the day. I do not understand why she is behaving like this. Today, the new bed was delivered. Mikku took me out, but somehow, I think he was only trying to placate me. Ramya is always in his heart. She has been there from the beginning. Each time he tries to get close to me, we only get further apart. I can only watch him drift away from me. I feel I made a big mistake by marrying him. Neither of us are happy in this marriage.
March 20
We went for long drive to Tumkur. Today is Holi and I called Mummyji to wish her. She spoke properly to me. My first Holi was a crime. All thanks to Papa as he did not bother to check to whom he was giving his daughter. I have a husband in name only. His soul and body belongs to someone else. There is no place for me in his heart and life. Mummyji warned me that if I could not keep her son happy, he would leave me and go away. Imagine! She is warning a girl who is just married. How can I deal with this behaviour? I feel sad and lonely. After all this, I wiped my tears and prepared lunch (rosagulla, mutton, dahi vada).
March 21
This has been a bad day. I do not even know why. I don’t know what Mikkuji told his mother this morning. She called me and scolded me a lot. She asked me if I was a woman. I said ‘yes’ and she asked me why her son felt I was always distant and aloof. Imagine! Doesn’t she know why her son feels like that? Mikku only stays with me, but his heart and soul is with his honey. He does not hear my voice and he does not even look at me. I have tried to make him love me and feel my presence, but it hasn’t worked. Perhaps it’s my mistake. When he told me that he once had a girlfriend, I should have said no to this marriage. I don’t know why I agreed. I should have told my Papa all this at that time. I have destroyed both Mikku’s life and mine. Now I don’t know what will happen and what turn my life will take. How long should I tolerate this? Mummiji abuses me about many things now. I have decided that I will not ask anyone for anything anymore.
Cute and emotionaL
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